Before we jump into this I’ve got a bit of a disclaimer. Though I’ve never claimed to be child friendly, and never will, this post is going to be a little more towards the NSFW side. I use colorful language in my writing because I try and write as if I’m having a regular conversation with you. Sure I use some bigger words than I’d ever actually vocalize and I actually tone down the swearing but that’s the tone I’m always going for. So if you’re offended by foul language or don’t want to read a particularly douchey perspective this is your chance to dip out now.

Yesterday as I was near complete my heavy back and bicep day a member of the opposite sex decided it was a good idea to do some half ass romanian deadlifts right beside me. Now to me there are two types of people in the gym, those there for themselves and those who are not. The ladder can easily be identified; ego lifting, showing off, and re-routing your entire routine to follow someone. All three of these go hand in hand but have some differences. When she have could performed the exercise (with awful form) that just happens to show off her cleavage anywhere else because the gym is empty aside from us and two other guys, I assume she’s not there for herself. Now unfortunately for this nice lady I’m past trying to hit on girls at the gym, it was the reason I started going to the gym so I am by no means writing this from some high horse, I’ve been there done that. So I ignored her ass, or more accurately cleavage, finished my set and left. Now if you’re sitting there rolling your eyes like this dude is fucking pathetic, it’s about to get worse. However, if you’re the type of person who’s shaking their head wondering why I didn’t pursue this lovely lady, this is for you. This interaction reminded me of how ironic life is. Two years ago, when all I wanted was to be noticed by girls I was ignored and avoided. However, now that I have grown up (just a touch) and am working for myself I have the odd interaction similar to yesterday’s. Oh well, they say bodybuilding is an extremely selfish sport and it’s true. Other than a minor slip up recently I haven’t been trying to date at all. Unless you both are in love with the sport it can be difficult to both carve out time for each other and more importantly connect on life aspirations and goals. Nonetheless, I have come up with a few ideas that if you are trying to date, can possibly help you along the way. Having been single for a little over three years I am extremely qualified for this position of dating guru; you’re in good hands.

First off, guys stop working out beside and following that cute girl you’ve been eying for weeks. It’s counter intuitive to the way your brain works I know, you want her to notice you. Unfortunately she does notice you, notices that you’re a huge creep that won’t leave her the fuck alone. You know your younger sibling that used to follow you around and annoy the shit out of you? You’re that annoying sibling! ‘But I don’t have any siblings.’ That actually explains itself, you’re doomed you attention seeking asshole. Do your routine, work hard, make gains and pay nobody any attention. You are there for you. ‘Well how the hell am I gonna meet someone if I’m doing my own thing?’ I’m not gonna lie to you, 95% of the time absolutely nothing will happen. Other than you actually making some gains but I mean who the fuck wants that right? It’s that other 5% of the time that there will be so many ‘alphas’ fighting for her attention that she will come workout near you. DO NOT mistake this as her coming to the realization that you’re the best looking bro in the gym, cause you’re not. You’re the one dude minding his own fucking business so she feels comfortable squatting next to you because you won’t ogle her. So don’t fucking ogle her. This also isn’t an invitation to show her how much your ego can curl. You do either one of these things and it’s a fast track to her saying fuck it, no workout is worth this shit and leaves. You have one of two options, first being do nothing. You both complete your workout, go home, and eat ice cream while watching vampire diaries crying about how you’ll be alone forever. Damn that hit a little too close to home. Alright moving on, your second option is to actually communicate with this fine specimen. Unfortunately you’re on your own from here bro. Don’t give me that look I got you this far! I don’t know why the hell you’re taking advice from me anyway! I’m clearly just a meathead with crippling insecurities… But if you do end up talking to her let me know how it goes, asking for a friend.

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