Happy (belated) Easter! I hope everyone enjoyed some time spent with family and/or friends this weekend. I ended up heading to my uncle and aunt’s place for Easter dinner last night. My sister, brother in law, niece, nephew, and my aunt’s mother were all there as well. We eventually finished a wonderful meal (and even better dessert) before settling in the living room for some must needed catching up. After awhile the topic of relationships inevitably came up. Now if there is a single subject I detest discussing with family more than dating I’m yet to discover it. Displaying an interest in aspects of each other’s life is natural and I understand why it comes up; yet I cringe whenever it does. “Seeing anyone lately?” is usually how it’s posed in my family. Every time I reply the same.
Some months ago I had a candid conversation with one of my friends who is a few years older than me on the idea of dating at our age. We both shared a similar opinion though he was able to put his together much more elegantly and coherent than myself. They (basically) said that at our age with our dreams and more realistically goals, unless you feel some sort of “spark” immediately, any time spent perusing this relationship takes away from your ability to achieve these aspirations. A fairly bleak, pessimistic view on the matter. One that I echo completely.
This is a viewpoint I’ve shared with others before and received surprisingly unsupportive feedback so I’ll do my best to convince you it’s a valid one; or at the very least not crazy. In regards to the two of us, we both are in places in our lives which we view as a stepping stone on the path to where we actually want to be. Personally I’ve been working at jobs which don’t have a great earning potential or spark a passion within myself – a considerable motive for my return to school come September. So in other words I’m broke and uninspired. I have grand plans for working within the fitness, tech, or marketing industries so I know everything I do now is simply the means to an end. I’m not currently the best version of myself and it will take an immense amount of time and effort to get to that point. A challenge I’m excited to see play out. The idea of bringing someone else along for this journey just sounds like insanity to me. I believe that for any relationship to last you need to care about the other person more than yourself and be willing to compromise. Two things I’m not currently capable of while pursuing the life I desire. You might think this is incredibly selfish and in reality it is, but I don’t see that as a bad thing. I’d rather set myself and potential future partner up for success than struggle to ever get out of lower class together. I’ve heard the idea of meeting the right person at the wrong time before and at this point in my life there’s nothing that rings truer. Having said all that, about eight months ago I disregarded everything I believe and fell head over heels for a girl. I was in daily discussions with the aforementioned friend over this change in mentality. We barely knew each other and she was all I could think about it. That’s the kind of feeling required to sway me from my staunch position. The whole time my friend was supportive despite his lack of agreement. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) she did not feel the same spark and we went our separate ways. So for now my response will continue to remain the same: “Nope, just been working and lifting weights.” Perhaps one day that will change and perhaps by then I’ll be ready to commit the love and attention necessary to make it work. Until then I’ve got PR’s to hit and soon enough exams to study for. Hooray!