Lost Connection

Between today being an excruciatingly slow day at Panago and Center of Gravity just on the horizon my mind was wandering more than usual. This is a great feeling as it usually results in some inspiration to write; something that has been lacking lately. As I slowly turned the dish I was ‘washing’ over in my hands, my train of thought led to all the amazing, and less than desirable, connections I’ve made in my short time on this earth. Co-workers, schoolmates, teammates, friends, and some rivals. Once I get over my initial anxiety of meeting new people I tend to create great relationships with others. Whether it be during my time at UofL, FutureShop, Starbucks, or any of the part time jobs I held in-between those times where I met some great individuals. Each incredibly unique, as was our relationships with each other. Yet I was left feeling quite empty as I reflected on each of these instances. My inability to maintain any long-term contact with individuals who I valued as friends was extremely clear to me. Why is this? Why am I unable to have a continued relationship with these people? I think there’s a couple reasons, though neither adequate.

Distance is definitely the greatest offender. Since I left Medicine Hat in late 2013 I have only returned three times? Maybe four I can’t quite remember (I have never returned to Lethbridge). Regardless an amount of trips that makes it near impossible to maintain any kind of human contact with those who still live there. Especially when my time is mainly spent with family (though there’s always some time for a dirty Rona night). Therefore that leaves communication to text/call/facetime etc. There’s nothing wrong with these means of communicating, I know plenty of people who facetime on a bi-daily basis, however I am terrible with these. This leads us to the next issue. I am so fucking engulfed in my own life that reaching out to someone else just doesn’t happen. I can’t remember the last time I spoke to my Brother on the phone, and he’s blood. That means the deck is already stacked against my friends. This has caused a few lost friendships in my life, one in particular which never leaves the back of my mind. They say the first step towards dealing with a problem is accepting there is a problem. That’s the goal with this piece. I can’t go back and fix the mistakes I’ve already made, but I can try and limit them in the future. Losing a friend sucks, losing a friend because of your own complacency leaves a gaping hole. However there are those in my life in which I do still maintain contact with and I am incredibly thankful to have them in my life. Taylor is the one example I feel comfortable sharing. Taylor and I met when I started at Starbucks. She left soon after that and our lives have rarely intertwined since then. Yet whenever one of us contacts the other and we do the inevitable ‘we should grab a drink sometime’ it isn’t an empty gesture. When our schedules finally have some free time that coincide we meet up for drinks and much needed catching up. We have glaring differences and yet I think I speak for both of us when I say our time together, however scattered it may be, is a great time to decompress and escape the never ending cycle that is life. I can only hope to form and maintain more of these kinds of connections.

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